Russian Christmas Cake

This recipe was given to me by Julia, the landlady at the Scalby Mills Hotel in Scarborough. DON'T try this at home!!!

Sample the vodka to check for quality. Take a large bowl. Check the vodka again to be sure that it is of het hightest quality. Pur one level cup and drink.

Turn on the electric mixer and beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add one tsp sugar and beat again. Make sure the vodka is still okay. Cry another tup. Turn off the mixerer.

Break two eggs and add to the bowl. Chuck in the dried fruit. Mix on the turner. If the dried fruit gets stuck in the beaters pry it loose with a drewscriver.

Sample the vodka again for tonsisticity. Next sift two cups of salt or something. Who cares? Check the vodka. Now sift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one tablespoon of sugar or something. Whatever you can find. Grease the oven. Trun the cake tin to 350 degrees. Don't forget to beat off the turner. Throw the bowl out of the window. Check the vodka again and go to bed!

I hope you enjoyed the above, but if you came here looking for a proper Christmas cake recipe, check out Edith's Fruit Cake Recipe.